Holding space for someone involves active listening and allowing them to process feelings at their own pace. Keep reading to learn more about how to hold space for others, as well as the potential benefits.
“Holding space” is a form of mindfulness, which is the practice of focusing your thoughts and being rooted in the present moment.
While mindfulness is associated with individual practice — such as meditation — it can also be extended to others. Holding space for someone else is one way to extend mindfulness to other people, and both parties can benefit.
Holding space for someone can involve:
- being fully present
- active listening
- allowing them to process feelings at their own pace
- asking questions and accepting what they have to say
Allow the other person to guide the conversation and broach topics when they are ready. Try to ask questions without judgement and let them reach conclusions on their own.
It is important to keep in mind that you are not trying to fix someone’s problems through holding space for them. Sometimes, instead of solutions, people want someone who can truly listen to what they are saying and empathize with their emotions.
If they express that they want solutions, then it is O.K. to share, but it is important to ask what they want first.
How to hold space for another person
- If possible, let them come to you first. An important part of holding space is respecting boundaries, which may mean letting them come to you on their terms.
- Find a quiet and private space. This can help the other person feel comfortable opening up.
- Ask meaningful questions. This means going beyond small talk. For example, you may ask what emotions they have been feeling recently, and why they think they are feeling that way. Did something specific happen at work or school?
- Let them respond without inserting your own judgement. Try to avoid downplaying or avoiding the discomfort that can accompany big emotions.
- Ask thoughtful follow-up questions and let them arrive at their own conclusions. Try to avoid immediately offering solutions, unless they have expressed that it is what they want.
There isn’t a lot of research on the benefits of holding space specifically. However, having close friends you can hold space with can have some potential health benefits.
A 2018 review of studies found that being confided in has some benefits, such as increasing the feeling of intimacy between you and the person who confided in you.
If you are holding space for someone, they may also be willing to reciprocate. Being able to confide in a friend can improve your well-being and help you feel socially supported.
A 2020 review of studies found that having friends — or, more broadly, people you can confide in — may make you less likely to suffer from depression.
A 2023 review of studies found that having friendships that provide support can decrease the likelihood of developing depression and anxiety.
When you are struggling, opening up to a friend can help you work through the issue. They are a shoulder for you to lean on and may be able to offer you advice, if you need it.
Holding space for someone and having them hold space for you may strengthen your relationship.
While holding space for others may have benefits, doing so too frequently could lead to emotional burnout for both you and your friend. It is important to be honest with each other when it comes to how you are feeling and if you are able to engage in holding space.
Moreover, it is important that your friend can hold space for you, if you need it.
If you are holding space for someone who will not hold space for you, it may be a sign of a one-sided friendship. Being in a friendship where all of the communication comes from you can be distressing.
If this is the case, you may consider having an open and honest conversation with your friend about how you feel. In turn, they can hold space for you so you can express your feelings.
Holding space is a form of mindfulness. When you hold space for someone, it can involve being fully present, active listening, and allowing them to reach their own conclusions without passing judgement.
The benefits of holding space for someone can include strengthening your relationship with that person, as well as a decreased risk of depression and anxiety.
It is important that you feel comfortable having that person hold space for you as well, if you need it.