How to Detach from Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Having a relationship with someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD), whether romantic or platonic, may feel intense and challenging at times. This can largely be due to the fluctuation in mood that many people with BPD experience, which may cause them to idealize you one minute and then suddenly shift to devaluing you the next.

This can make your relationship feel unpredictable and difficult to navigate.

It’s important to note that everyone with BPD experiences the condition differently, and relationship patterns are unique to each person. With the right support systems and boundaries in place, it is possible for someone with BPD to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

However, if you’ve found that your relationship with someone with BPD is negatively affecting your well-being and that you would benefit from healthy detachment, there are several strategies that can help:

• Clearly define your boundaries: It’s essential to set your limits and define the consequences if broken, clearly and directly. For example: “If you continue to shout, I will leave the room and return only when we are both calm.”
• Gradually limit contact: You don’t always need to be available for them, and it’s ok to shorten conversations or the time you spend together.
• Avoid stepping into a “rescue” role: Remember, it is not your responsibility to fix them or always be there for crisis support. Instead, it’s essential to encourage them to speak with a mental health professional and explore other forms of support beyond you.
• Avoid emotional debates: Try to stick to the facts and avoid or reduce how much you engage in arguments. Keep communication brief and neutral when an argument does arise, and try to avoid being pulled in.