Preparing your child for surgery can be a stressful time for you both. Working with your healthcare team, you can help make this scary time a little less frightening by addressing your child’s emotional, psychological, and practical needs.

When your child is facing surgery, it can be a scary time for you and your child. They will look to you for reassurance and understanding. It can be hard to know what to tell them and how to prepare them.

While there are practical concerns, such as what to pack, kids want to know that they are safe and will be OK while facing a very frightening experience. How you help them process what’s ahead will depend on your child’s age and developmental stage. Younger children won’t need a lot of information, but older kids will likely want more specifics and may require more time to prepare emotionally.

Read on to learn more about how to help your child prepare for surgery, no matter their age.

It’s important for parents to remain as calm as possible during this experience. A 2021 study found that children of parents or caregivers who were obviously worried were more likely to have preoperative anxiety compared to children whose parents and caregivers were not as worried about their child’s surgery.

Considering what you might say to your child and planning ways to help them understand what’s ahead as they face a frightening event can go a long way toward helping you stay calm and available for them.

Most pediatric surgeries worldwide, 60% to 80%, that are performed in modernized facilities, are performed as day surgeries. This means that most children return home the same day and do not require a hospital stay. Parents and caregivers play a vital role in helping their child navigate this stressful day and the recovery period that follows.

If you feel like you need support in helping your child prepare in the time leading up to their surgery, ask for a healthcare professional called a child life specialist. These individuals are training to work with children in medical settings. They can help your child understand what’s happening and cope with their emotions. They use toys, books, and other familiar items to explain medical procedures in a way that young children can understand. This process typically includes siblings and parents.

Here are ways you can help your child prepare to face a scary event and process the many emotions they feel. How you respond and offer your support will depend on your child’s age and their current developmental stage. You’ll want to offer information in a way they can understand while providing a safe place for them to explore the feelings they have.

Here are a few basic ways to help your child, no matter their age:

  • Think about what you plan to say: Think about how, based on their age, you can help them understand.
  • Be honest but gentle and age-appropriate: Telling your child the truth about what to expect helps them trust you and may help them stay more relaxed and calmer. If a needle is involved, inform them and let them know that they may feel it, but it’s usually over quickly. Ask your surgeon or healthcare team if you are unsure of what to expect and what your child may need to know.
  • Answer the questions they actually ask you: What your child wants to know may not be what you think they will ask, and they may not be worried about the same things you are. Your child likely needs to know just enough for it to make sense to them. While you will know much more and may think they want to as well, too much information may be stressful for a child, especially if they are younger.
  • On the day of surgery, stay close to your child: Most surgery centers and hospitals will allow you to stay with your child in the preoperative setting until they are taken to surgery. They may begin sedation medications in this space as well, so your child may be relaxed or sleepy when they leave you and go to the operating room. Your presence is crucial in helping them feel safer.
  • Make fun plans for after surgery: Your child can choose the movies they want to watch when they get home. They can plan for the food they’d like to eat or the games they want to play while they are recovering.

Here are some age-specific things to consider as you help your child prepare for their surgery:

Toddlers are typically children between the ages of 1 and 3 years old. Very young children won’t understand the medical terms or complicated reasons, and typically, they don’t need to know about the surgery until a day or two before.

They are likely to be afraid of things like:

  • being separated from you
  • strangers – unfamiliar caregivers and people in medical masks
  • medical equipment and tools (sometimes the equipment can be loud or noisy)
  • medical procedures (are there needles, will it hurt, will I wake up)
  • being uncomfortable, in pain, hungry

Toddlers may struggle to understand. They may feel that they did something wrong, and that’s why this is happening to them. You can help them understand it’s not their fault, and they did nothing wrong. Everyone gets sick, and some people need surgery to feel better.

Here are ways you can help your toddler get ready, know what to expect, and feel less afraid:

  • Tell them about the surgery, but not until just before the day: Let your child know about the planned surgery, but no more than 1 or 2 days ahead.
  • Explain what will happen in simple terms: Explain to your toddler what will happen in simple but honest terms. Just the basics and keep it simple.
  • Let your child ask any questions they have: Toddlers may have random questions and questions that don’t seem to be about the surgery, but letting them talk and ask what they want can help them feel less stressed and more reassured.
  • Read picture books and short sentence books with them: Books that help explain what it’s like to go to the hospital and to have an operation can help your toddler understand and visualize what to expect.
  • Have them choose a comfort toy: Let them choose a stuffed animal, doll, or another toy to take with them to the hospital, or buy a new one for them to take.
  • Help your toddler feel more powerful: Allowing your toddler to make choices, such as which cartoons, shows, or movies they want to watch after their surgery, can help them feel more empowered.
  • Encourage creative play: Play that lets your child express their feelings about the surgery, such as drawing and engaging in activities like playing with medical-themed toys, like doctor and nurse kits and medical-themed dolls or animal figures. You can show them what will happen during their operation in simple terms that they understand, and they may act out how they are feeling or let their toys act it out.
  • Be there for your child: Snuggle. Have a fun time with your child. Play games they like and do activities they typically enjoy. Have familiar fun times when possible.

Preschool children are young children who are too young to attend elementary school, typically 4- and 5-year-olds. Your preschooler can understand simple descriptions of their surgery and that it may cause some discomfort. They may have similar fears as toddlers and yet more understanding that they are going to have an operation at the hospital.

Preschool children will benefit from some of the same activities as toddlers, but these activities are designed for older children.

Tips for preparing your preschool-aged child for surgery include things like:

  • Let them know their surgery will happen soon: There’s no need to tell your preschooler about their surgery too early. A day or 2 before the surgery is enough. Use simple, straightforward, and honest language. There’s no need to over-explain. Tell them the doctor is going to help fix the specific health condition they have, and the basics of how they will do that.
  • Let your child ask as many questions as they like: Answer the questions honestly but simply. Children don’t need to know all the details, just the ones that help them understand and satisfy their curiosity. Answer them again as many times as your child needs you to.
  • Read books about surgery or the hospital with your child: Be sure the books are suitable for 4- and 5-year-olds. You can also take turns letting them read to you.
  • Make plans for what fun things you can do after they feel better: Let them choose a realistic activity – new coloring books, the movies you will watch, or the food you will eat together.
  • Encourage creative play: Drawing, storytelling, and acting things out with toys are all good ways for your child to process their feelings.
  • Have them choose a special toy, doll, or stuffed animal to take with them: Let them choose a comfort toy for surgery day. You can dress the toy for the hospital or put a bandage on the same area as your child’s surgery will be.
  • Try to maintain as much normalcy as possible: Spend time doing things your child typically enjoys. Try to keep their usual routines.

There’s a wide range of ages that are considered “school-age” children – typically from 6 to 12 years old. Children in this age group will know about their surgery and will likely be worried or afraid. Common fears children this age have surrounding medical procedures and surgeries include:

  • fear of pain
  • fear of missing out on things they enjoy, like sports
  • worry about missing school
  • fear and sadness about missing time with friends

Children in this age group will want to know more details about what will happen to them. Here are a few tips to help them prepare:

  • Try to stick to what you know they will experience: It’s OK to say you don’t know if they ask a question you can’t answer. You can call the surgeon’s office or surgery center and ask questions they may have. Try to keep your answers gentle, honest, and to the point of the question they asked.
  • If possible, tour the hospital or surgery center: Be sure your child is interested in doing this. If they are and it is allowed, it can help prepare your child. They likely have all sorts of scary images from movies, TV, and video games. Seeing the actual place they will be can help dispel misconceptions or frightening images. Encourage them to ask questions while they are there.
  • Use visual aids: Things like websites, videos, and books that your doctor or the hospital recommends can help them understand what is going to happen and what to expect. Prescreen sources to be sure they are reliable and age-appropriate.
  • Let your child make as many choices as possible: What they wear to the surgery center or hospital, and whether they bring a comfort item, such as a stuffed animal or other token, like a lucky rock, coin, or socks. They may seem too old for some things, but let them know it’s OK to bring something along. Assure them you’ll keep it safe while they are in the operating room.
  • Help them reach out to friends and keep them informed: They may be able to have their phone in the pre-op area before surgery. Texting with friends may help them feel better.
  • If allowed, let siblings visit before surgery: Depending on factors like the hospital or surgery center rules and the age of siblings, they may be able to wait with parents or caregivers and be present when their sibling returns from the recovery area.

Adolescents are young people between 13 and 21 years old. Pediatric services typically cover individuals up to their 21st birthday.

Adolescents may be quite well informed about their surgery. They may have Googled their surgery and may have seen something that frightened them. Kids this age may be involved in planning their treatment and aftercare.

Many of the same things that help prepare younger children are also helpful for older kids. Obviously, they will be age-appropriate and aimed at a more mature audience.

  • Be available to talk with your teen: Answer any questions they have as honestly as possible. Try to stick to answering the question that is asked. It’s easy to telegraph your concerns about things that your child may not be worried about until they see your worry.
  • Be honest: If you don’t know an answer, say so, and let your child know they can ask the doctor those questions, or you can ask them together. Let them make the choice when appropriate. If they might experience discomfort, it’s OK to say so. But reassure them that their healthcare team will work to keep them comfortable before, during, and after their surgery. If you or your child is concerned, ask your surgeon about the pain management plan.
  • Take a tour of the hospital or surgery center: Many facilities will allow older kids to tour their facility. Work with your child’s doctor and the facility to help prepare your child.
  • Help them choose a comfort item to take to the hospital, if they want to: Younger adolescents may still have stuffed animals, a special blanket, or other items that remain quietly or even secretly comforting to them. Consider giving them one if you don’t think they have one or if they don’t want to admit to you that they want to bring something like that along. If you bring it up, older kids may feel less self-conscious about bringing an item.
  • Be respectful of their privacy as much as possible: They may want to speak with their doctor or surgeon alone. Let them.
  • Be sure you have the legal right to be informed about their medical information: If your teen is 18 years old or older, they will need to sign a HIPAA Medical Authorization form for you to be informed of their medical information. This is known as the age of majority, and in most states, this age is 18. While they can stay on your health insurance until age 26, they must sign a HIPAA authorization for you to have access to their medical information after they are legally an adult.

What is the age of majority?

In most states, when an individual turns 18, they are considered an adult and are entitled by law to medical privacy. Every doctor, medical facility, and hospital will need your 18-year-old’s (and older) signature and a specific consent for you to be informed of things like what happened during surgery, their diagnosis, test results, and any other medical information.

If your child chooses not to sign these forms, that is their right. You can still be there for your child. You can accompany them, be a visitor, and be with them in the surgical center or hospital before and after surgery.

Signing these consent forms generally happens at each doctor’s first appointment with your child after they turn 18. Healthcare professionals will ask your child to sign a consent form giving the medical staff permission to discuss their medical information with you. They will need a form for each family member they want to have access to their medical information.

If your child is 18 or older, or will be on the day of surgery, they will have to sign all consent forms prior to surgery. (They may still be on your insurance plan. Typically, a child is legally allowed to stay on their parents’ private insurance until they are 26 years old.)

When you’re planning for your child’s surgery, your surgeon and the medical facility are your main go-to sources. They will typically have a checklist of items to pack, including important documents that you’ll need to have ready.

You will also receive detailed instructions about what to do before the surgery. These instructions will include things like when your child should stop eating and drinking before surgery, if your child should continue taking medications, and if they need to avoid contact with other children or adults prior to surgery.

You will likely receive instructions on how to clean your child or how they should clean themselves before surgery. You may be given a cleaning kit to clean the surgical site and the surrounding area. Your child will likely need to avoid using moisturizers and deodorants.

Younger children may want a comfort item, such as a familiar blanket or a favorite stuffed animal. Be sure the items you bring are clean and can be washed after returning from the hospital or surgery center. Try not to bring items that cannot be washed in a washing machine or dishwasher.

If your child is having day surgery, they will likely wear the clothes they arrived in after surgery. You may want to bring an extra pair of underwear. Be sure to ask about the type of clothing your child should wear. For example, you may want to have them wear button-up shirts, so they don’t have to pull anything over their head. Loose-fitting clothes will likely be more comfortable. Some children may want to wear their pajamas. Surgery may be scheduled very early in the morning, especially for younger children.

How to prepare if your child needs to stay in the hospital following surgery

If your child will be in the hospital for an extended period after surgery, they will typically wear hospital gowns during their stay. These garments allow healthcare professionals easier access to surgical wound sites for examination and changing bandages. They are also easier to change if your child throws up or soils themselves. Depending on how long your child will be in the hospital, their age, and the surgery they had done, they may be able to wear their own clothes after a while. If this information is not in your instructions, ask your surgeon.

Older children and adolescents may want their phone. If your older child will be staying in the hospital, they may want their computer or tablet. Be sure to check the hospital policy regarding electronic devices for the specific hospital unit or floor where your child will be. Most hospitals have free WiFi.

Pediatric hospitals typically allow a parent to sleep in the room with their child, and rooms often have an extra bed area or a chair that lies flat for a parent or caregiver. If you plan to stay with your child, you will need to pack things for yourself, like:

  • extra changes of clothing if your child will be in the hospital for several days
  • any medications you take
  • charging cables for your phone and other devices
  • a contact list of phone numbers for important people (in case your phone is dead)
  • comfortable clothing that you can sleep in and wear outside your child’s room – like sweats or shorts and comfortable t-shirts. Other parents and healthcare professionals will likely see you at all hours of the day and night.
  • comfortable shoes (tennis shoes, slippers, or croc-style shoes)
  • flip-flops or shower shoes
  • toiletries (Depending on how long your child will be in the hospital, you may want to shower at the hospital, and there may be a shower in your child’s room or down the hall.)
  • snacks for yourself
  • devices – phone, computer, tablet (most hospitals provide free WiFi)
  • coins or cash (or cards) for drinks, snack machines, and meals (Children’s hospitals often have free snacks and a kitchen area for parents staying with their child, and they may have a meal allowance for parents staying with their child to order from the hospital cafeteria. Nearby restaurants typically deliver to hospitals as well.)
  • reading material like books or magazines (in case you can’t use electronic devices for a while)

If your child has a hospital admission for surgery or stays in the hospital afterwards, you’ll need to be available to assist in caring for your child and to meet with healthcare professionals, so you may not be able to wear your earbuds or headphones much of the time.

When a child is preparing for surgery, the entire family is affected. Other children in the family may also have many feelings, and it may be especially difficult for them.

Research suggests siblings often feel left out, anxious, and unsure how to help. They may experience many things, such as:

  • feeling left out or alone
  • taking on the role of family supporter (and losing their own identity)
  • worry for their parents
  • fear of their sibling dying
  • difficulty coping with their fears and anxiety
  • loneliness and isolation (no one understands)
  • resentment or anger that the family is so focused on the child with health concerns
  • guilt for feeling angry or for being healthy
  • discomfort and inconvenience if they stay with friends or relatives
  • fear of the family not having enough money
  • stress from extra chores or duties like caring for family pets

Many pediatric hospitals plan events, such as zoo days, for siblings of children with serious or chronic conditions. Taking your other child or children to these events provides them with the opportunity to meet other children going through similar experiences and lets them enjoy fun times just being kids. Ask your surgeon, pediatrician, or hospital for information about sibling events.

You can help your other children prepare for their sibling’s surgery in many of the same ways you help the child having surgery: talk with them, be honest and age-appropriate, and answer their questions.

Depending on their age, consider allowing a sibling to accompany you to the surgery center or hospital on the day of surgery. A friend or relative can take them back home if the surgery is a longer one. Younger siblings may enjoy getting a special toy that day. If time allows, consider helping them create something special to give to their sibling, such as a get-well card or homemade cookies.

Spending some one-on-one time with your other child or children doing something they enjoy can help them avoid feeling so left out.

Taking care of yourself is another important thing to remember. Your child depends on you during difficult events like surgery, and it can be hard to do all that you need to do and try to remain calm.

Simple things, like remembering to eat meals, choosing nutritious food when possible, sleeping when you can, and even taking a bath, can help you recharge.

Reaching out to a friend or speaking with a therapist or mental health professional can help. If you practice a religion, seeking counsel from a leader in your faith community may provide comfort while you support your child.

Most hospitals have social workers, clergy, and family advocates who are there to support you as your child faces surgery and recovery. You can ask to speak to them while your child is in surgery or during recovery if your child has a hospital stay.

Preparing your child for surgery is an important step in their treatment, care, and healing. Providing age-appropriate information, listening to their concerns, and helping them express themselves through age-appropriate play and conversations can help relieve some of the anxiety and fear children have before surgery.

Planning your words and activities can go a long way toward helping your child feel better. Taking care of yourself is also key. Reach out to friends, family, and professionals to find support for yourself.

Ask your child’s surgeon, the support staff, or the surgical center or hospital any questions you have about what to expect and how to help your child prepare.

The entire family is affected during times of health concerns, such as pediatric surgery, and siblings may also need extra attention from you.